Little by Little

Well, I hope I don't make a habit of this forgetting to post! The fact is that last week I simply didn't feel like writing, so there you are!

Things are going along fine, though, and I continue to lose tiny bits of weight.  But that's not the important aspect of this program.  The question remains: am I changing my relationship with food?  Well, I think that the answer is yes, partly.

I've found that I'm still having trouble slowing down and paying attention to what I'm eating. My excuse is that my food will get cold and by the time I eat it, it won't taste as good. It won't go bad for up to two hours, according to Mayo clinic, so at least I'm safe.  But is it true that it won't taste good?  I'm not so sure.  I think it's just an excuse to wolf it down.  I'm going to have to investigate to see if I'm just fooling myself and try to eat more slowly.

Sometimes I eat fast because I'm hungry and have waited a long time to eat.  Also not an excuse.  I should make an effort to slow down, especially when I'm hungry.  Maybe sip my drink first so that I can calm down. I'm going to try harder this week on this important technique.

The past week I had another food related event at work--an ice cream social.  I did eat some ice cream, but I think I did well with figuring out how much I was eating and tried to eat it slowly and enjoy it, even though I was conversing.  Then I refrained from eating the many leftovers, although I did indulge a bit in fruit, which I used for my afternoon snack.  All in all I think I was successful, but I still don't dare bring ice cream into my home.

I feel like I should move on to the next step, which is pre-recording food, but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.  We'll see how I feel in a couple of weeks.

For now, the challenge is keeping things going, despite the slow, incremental progress and the fact that no one has much noticed my weight loss or made a big fuss over it.  I think it's a very big deal, but that's only because most of what I'm doing is mental and not visible the way a sudden large weight loss would be. Probably no one has noticed that I'm not scarfing up all leftovers or constantly eating at social events, but I think the change is terribly obvious.  And it's what really works!

Over the years, I've heard about so many gimmicky diets that purportedly work, and the people who go on them desperately want them to work, but most of the time they can't be sustained and the dieter simply goes back to eating his usual way and gaining the weight back.  I understand the impulse to do something drastic and dramatic, but even drastic and dramatic gets old after a while.  That's the problem with any diet--the long haul.  In the end, it's persistence that pays off, and the understanding that a problem eater can never eat the way she used to eat if she wants to remain at a normal weight.

In the back of the mind of every eating addict is this idea, this dream: Someday I will be able to eat what I want and not gain weight.  And I say to that--not going to happen! (Unless you meet up with a gypsy who puts a curse on you.)  I know I have to say goodbye to pigging out.  Or suffer the inevitable consequences.

And really--what's so great about pigging out anyway? It's only fun for the first few bites. Then the tastebuds get jaded, the food is no longer so delicious as it was that first bite, and the eating becomes mechanical, get-it-overwith shoveling-in that ignores the signals from the stomach to stop.

No matter what all those come-and-go diets say, quantity does matter.  You can pick and choose the foods that are going to be healthy, or heart-wise, or cancer-stopping, or metabolism-boosting, or poison-expelling, or some other miraculous quality, but the old maxim still proves true: calories consumed must equal calories expended in order to keep your system in equilibrium. Eating a ton of healthy food is still eating a ton of food. And are you going to use a ton of food? Probably not.  And as you well know, whatever you don't use will be stored--it's as simple as that.

Do I really need to fill up all the available storage space on my body?  No, I do not. A little storage is good against sudden famine,  but otherwise it's just extra weight that I'm hauling around, straining my joints and my organs, and possibly causing cancer in the future.

But I guess I've said enough for today.  Believe me, I need these little pep talks from time to time--these little accounting exercises.  They keep me going in the right direction, albeit slowly.

See you next week!

Before and After

I got behind in my posting again.  I couldn't think of anything to say last week, and I don't get much chance to write during the week, so the occasion passed.  Oh, well, I'll try to catch up today. 

Two weeks ago, when I went to the baby shower, I succeeded in eating some veggies and one piece of cake.  I did have some sweet lemonade, though, which I didn't account for.  Considering there were quite a few nice looking treats at the party, I think I did pretty well to avoid them.  Whenever I do eat reasonably at a social event, I can't help remembering the way I used to scarf up everything available, to the point of not liking the picture I presented of someone who can't stop eating.  It's nice to be able to converse without shoving something into my mouth continuously.  I often wonder if anyone remembers the way I used to be and sees the difference.

Oh, well, I guess I'll have to be content to simply carry on with my plan, despite the general lack of notice I receive for doing so.  The end result is its own reward, after all.  (Still, it would be nice to get at least one compliment from a coworker!)  Perhaps people notice but are afraid to ask. Maybe they think I've got cancer or something. Or maybe it's just too gradual, and people don't have a before picture to compare with the after.  I guess I'll just include some here, then.

Before:  Nov 2010

After:  Aug 2011

So, okay, the difference is subtle but still . . . I think it's noticeable.  

Anyway, today I finally got below 170 lbs, which is a big milestone for me.  I need to continue to step up the exercise and step down--just a tiny bit--the amount of food I eat.  I'll just have to make different choices at meals so that I don't have to feel deprived at any time.

One of the dangers Shirley warns about is the tendency to get attached to certain foods or menus.  I have found myself craving certain little treats I make for myself, like toast with a teaspoon of peanut butter.  I don't want to get so I have to have certain things every day.  My blood sugar locks me into eating at certain intervals, but I can change the menus up once in a while, such as coming up with a new snack item.  It's important because I think it will eventually make it easier to cope with the "outside" world, where people eat things like chips and ice cream occasionally.  The operant word is occasionally, not daily or whenever I get the chance. So when I get to the point when I can truly eat a dish of ice cream and then forget about it for weeks, I'll be ready to join the outside world. 

I guess that's enough for today.  Time to go for a walk.  See you next week!