Once More Into the Breach, Again . . .

I'm starting again to do this the right way with the proper diet a la Shirley.  I know I can do it; I just need to stop thinking I can't.

Today I was pretty hungry and am hungry still, but I'm not going to let that get in my way. I can handle hunger.  I just need to ignore it for a while until it's time to eat again.

I succeeded today.  One day at a time . . .

Get Back to Where I Once Belonged

I've got to get back to controlling my eating.  Today I did pretty well.  I was tempted to eat donuts and coffee cake that was for a celebration at work. But I didn't. And I didn't try to eat just a little bit, either.  Then, I saw someone had put kisses in my candy basket.  I tried not eating those but did not succeed.  They were small, but I had about a half dozen, I believe.  Not so successful with those.  I did refrain from eating anything else not planned for, and ate my chicken salad supper without any kind of crackers, even though I wanted to eat some.

So awareness is all, and I'm trying to stay aware and make different choices than the ones I've been making for the past weeks.

We'll see how it goes.

Cascading to Fatsville

I've been having lots of trouble staying away from my "trigger" foods, as they are called by Overeaters Anonymous.  They trigger a binge, so that's why they should be avoided.  I keep trying to play with fire, though, and not avoid them, thinking I can control them in small quantities.  But alas, I can't, and find out the hard way.

Instead of the word trigger, though, I prefer a word like cascade.  Eating such foods tends to send me cascading down into a binge.  The effect reminds me of the cascade of cards at the end of an electronic solitaire game.  That's how it feels when I eat a piece of chocolate, or some other intense food. I feel like I'm losing control, as if I've dropped a deck of cards and they're cascading to the ground.

So what to do? Avoid those foods, of course. Again--simple, but not easy.

Yesterday when I wanted to eat something sweet, I thought about going to the chocolate candy trough in the skywalk, but then I thought, "That will cause me to want more and more chocolate, so I'd better not." Then I ate a butterscotch and was mostly satisfied.  I made a choice to do something that did not cause me to overeat.  I need to keep doing that.

I like the term "cascade foods"; I think I'll use that.  There are quite a number of those kinds of foods for me.  I have to keep watch over my consumption of them so I don't lose control.

Once More Into the Breach

Yikes! The weight's coming back and I'm watching it happen as if it were happening to someone else.  This weekend's quest: stay on the diet for the whole three days.  Can I do it?  I'll let you know.

Trying to Quit

Well, I'm testifying to the difficulty of this project.  There's a reason I get stalled at this point in the quest: it's not possible to have a normal relationship with (some) food, at least not as far as I can tell at the moment.

As soon as I try to eat chocolate or sweets or fatty foods, the old cravings come back and then they stay.  And it seems I have to go through withdrawal all over again to get rid of them.

So, what to do?  Well, at the moment it seems the only solution is to stop eating those foods that give me trouble.  This, of course, is the Overeaters Anonymous philosophy--foods to which you are addicted must be purged from your diet and avoided.

Many alcoholics believe they don't have to stop drinking alcohol completely.  They think they can drink occasionally, normally, like other people who don't have a drinking problem.  Some do succeed with that, but I wonder how many.

When I was trying to quit smoking years ago, I found that I couldn't just have an occasional cigarette.  Having one meant having another and another until the habit was back.  And I didn't have much of a habit to begin with!

So, I guess I need to process this information, see what I can come up with for a solution to the problem.

Sorry, Shirley, but I think there's little hope for getting to coping level 1 with most foods.

Still Struggling, Still Hopeful

I'm struggling still, but hopeful still as well. Today I want to see if I can get through the day without eating stuff not on my diet. We'll see what happens.

Into the Fray Every Day

Well, I'm still struggling and that's how it's going to be, it seems: a struggle every day.  It looks like I'm not going to enjoy the easy maintenance displayed (apparently) by Shirley Simon, but that's okay.  I'm not completely sure that's how Shirley ended up anyway.  After all, she dropped out of the public eye years ago, so I'm guessing she went back to being fat too.

Nonetheless, that is not going to happen to me.  I just need to accept that it will be a daily struggle to fend off the addictive powers of food.  Some days I do better than others, but it helps to know that it's not going to be easy--ever!  It's still worth doing, no matter what.  I'm not giving up.

I've been doing pretty well with exercising daily, thanks to the MP3 player I have and the ability to download audio mystery novels from the library!  I've made a rule that I can only listen to the book when I'm exercising--usually walking.  That works very well to get me motivated since I want to know what happens next in the story.  And mysteries are perfect for that since they are suspenseful; moreover, the library has a great many audiobooks that are mysteries, so I will never run out of books to listen to.

The exercise is helping to keep me from eating too much, also. So, things are coming along. I'm still trying to win this contest, but I remain confident, so every day I jump into the fray, struggling against addiction.