Slips or Forays into Terra Incognito?

This past week I had intended to start the next step in the Learn to Be Thin program, Clue Finding, but didn't fare too well with that. All of my "slips" were consciously made, and so didn't feel like slips to me.  That's a dilemma I have with this eating plan--in trying to eat more like a "normal" person, I eat things that are not on the eating plan. How do I count those? Should I count them as slips, as unauthorized deviations from the diet plan, or as what Shirley calls "controlled cheats"--planned additions accounted for with subtractions elsewhere?

But the controlled cheats are very restricted on the plan--I suppose that's for a good reason.  Most food addicts would go hog-wild if left to their own devices, especially early in the process.  I understand the necessity for restrictions, but at this stage, I believe venturing out into "normal" territory is important to learning to be thin and that I need to make those forays when the opportunities present themselves (not every day, of course).

So for instance, when John and I went to the company holiday party this past week, I ate a piece of chocolate cake, a decision I made on the spur of the moment.  It was small, but very good.  I tried to eat it slowly and enjoy it.  The meal was good also, though not exceptional (a bit greasy, actually), but I ate that slowly too.  I don't consider these decisions slips, though they probably do slow down my weight loss progress.  They are occasions for exercising control, for asking myself if I really want or need to eat that particular food at that moment and then answering honestly.

Maybe those are the incidents I can be investigating.  Not the slips, but the choices to eat as a normal, non-food-addicted person would eat.  Perhaps I'll try that this week--really interrogate my "normal" eating choices.  Are they as free as I think they are?

Stay tuned next week for the answer.

Week 42: Step 9 - The Clue Finding Technique

I had a pretty good week this week, even lost a tiny bit of weight, though there were some challenges.  I was sick for a few days and found myself wanting to turn to food for comfort.  I had forgotten about the Sickly Subterfuge--it's been so long since I've been sick.  I successfully resisted the urge to give myself hot chocolate with whipped cream and instead settled for a nice hot cabbage-beet soup. Yum! It was pretty good, actually, and did the trick of providing comfort.

I was also challenged by the High Tea party we had at work this week. I was asked to make banana bread and did so, but then I was faced with the decision to have some or not.  I decided to have a piece, just to see if it was edible (excuse?).  Then at the tea party I had another piece.  The excuse for that piece was that the fare at the tea party fell a little short of adequate sustenance--there were too many carbs and not enough protein. I'm not sure how the banana bread helped with that, though . . .

Fortunately, the tea partiers ate about half the loaf; I gave the rest to my coworkers who didn't attend the tea party.  I saved one piece for John, who later gave me a bite when he ate it.  I think that may be the first time I've baked since I started on this diet, so I guess I did alright, even with those small indulgences.

Turning back to Learn to Be Thin, I see that I've reached the next phase in the behavior modification plan: "Extra Help Techniques" (156).  The first technique, which is also Step 9, is the Clue-Finding Technique. In this step I must scrutinize all the times I did not stick to the diet plan and find clues for why I veered from the path.  And then I need to write down the information I obtained from my analysis. For instance, I sometimes eat a spippet of this or that after supper, when I'm cleaning up or before supper when I'm cooking.  Doesn't seem like much, but it is a behavior that is unconscious and likely to lead to more serious behavior later.  So, I should ask myself what brought it on? Doing the 5 W's, as I did when I first compiled my Eating Problems list, will help me find the clues to keep myself from continuing the behavior.

So for instance, last night when I was cleaning up the steak grilling pan after dinner, I saw a bit of steak and popped it into my mouth.  Five Ws:  Who? Me and John, who's waiting for the dirty dishes to wash. What?  Eating bit of steak.  When? While cleaning up.  Where? In the kitchen.  Why? Because it was there and looked tasty (especially because it was greasy, I think).  The point is I didn't think about it; I just responded automatically to the stimulus of seeing a bit of tasty food unclaimed and about to be thrown away (the "waste not, want not" subterfuge).

This kind of technique helps because if I see this behavior happening frequently, there's probably a pattern to it, one that I can disrupt somehow.  I need to do something to get between the stimulus and the response and prevent the behavior.  And once again, that's the ultimate goal--to stop automatic, compulsive eating that leads to overweight.

So, this week I will begin this new technique, leaving room in my recordkeeping for the notetaking about what Shirley calls "slips," whether large or small.

I'll let you know how I fare next week.

Decision Point

I had a good week this past week, despite a couple of "special occasion" challenges. I still managed to lose 1.8 lbs, which is better than I do most weeks. Now I may end up not losing anything next week, but that's okay. What's important, as ever, is what I learned this past week.

One thing I am trying to do is exercise every day. I do a bit of dancing every morning such that I miss it if I don't do it.  That may be helping some. All of these things contribute toward weight loss--permanent weight loss.

The key to this whole program, I believe, is making better decisions.  That is what I and everyone else on this kind of a behavior modification plan is learning--how to make better decisions.  Of course, first we have to recognize that we've made ineffective decisions in the past; then we must understand that we can make different, more effective decisions in the present.  Notice I didn't say "future"; decisions about eating behavior can only be made in the present.  Many a diet program has been waylayed by the "I'll start tomorrow" promise that's never fulfilled.  What can we do now to help ourselves to a healthier body? Those are the decisions we can learn to make.

So, for instance, yesterday I celebrated my anniversary with a nice rib-eye steak and some asparagus.  I had decided to save a little food from earlier meals that day to use at dinner time.  I worried that I might be too hungry, but it ended up being okay.  I was hungry, but I was able to wait (with the help of a snack). That meant I could eat a larger piece of steak than I was allowed at suppertime without feeling guilty.  Because I consciously made that exchange, I succeeded in having a special meal.  And what's better is I controlled my eating rather than letting it control me.

I made similar decisions at a luncheon celebration at work the other day.  I got a buffet meal, but didn't use it as an excuse to eat everything in sight (something I would've done in the past).  I ate lots of vegetables and some nice pieces of meat, but didn't indulge in extra bread or butter.  And I didn't eat any of the pumpkin pie or cookies or brownies that were on offer.  Interestingly, once I'd finished my meal I decided something sweet would be nice.  I looked at what they had for fruit and decided a single piece of pineapple and a chunk of watermelon would do the trick, so that's what I brought back to my table.  No one said a word about my choices (I was a little worried someone might tease me); moreover, I was right--that was just enough sweetness and I didn't overindulge in dessert.

I really think that people who devise diets and sell them in highly hyped books or videos are missing the point.  They can put together intricate menu plans and food lists and discuss physiology and metabolism and the complex chemistry of carbohydrates, proteins, fats, vitamins and minerals in magazines, books, on TV shows and internet sites, but none of that is going to do a bit of good if the person following the "amazing" diet plan continues to make the same bad decisions she's been making for years.

The diet is only part of the plan; the rest has to be behavior change.

It's that simple--it's just not that easy.  But it is absolutely essential to success.

See you next week.

Thanksgiving Challenge

Okay, the holidays are seriously upon us, bringing their serious challenges! As any veteran dieter knows, the end-of-the-year holidays can be responsible for blowing the most dedicated diet reformer's best laid plans.

I was definitely challenged this past Thanksgiving week, but I think I did pretty well, considering. I tried to confine myself to just one day of slightly overindulging--Thanksgiving--instead of my usual pattern of beginning my binge a week before Halloween and ending after Valentine's Day. I didn't quite make my one-day goal (I ate Thanksgiving leftovers on Friday), but I did get quickly back to normal on Saturday, and I feel like I can stay away from temptation until Christmas, at least. 

There are a few days of luncheons and holiday parties coming up the first two weeks of December, though.  So I'm going to have to be careful about choosing well, remembering that a meal ordered off the menu is one I can control.

Sometimes I feel nostalgic for the old days when I didn't care what I ate. I miss that spectacular self-indulgence, especially at this time of year. But it's just something that can't be sustained; the behavior becomes addictive and the effects accumulate. Besides, there are many compensations. I'm enjoying being able to fit into smaller clothes and smaller spaces. I'm happy when I see left over space beside me on my bus seat because it means fellow passengers won't mind sitting with me now since I'm not taking up a seat and a half. I like having more energy, more vertical movement that doesn't hurt. I'm looking forward to the day when I can run again (if my knees hold out, that is), and shop at a regular clothing store instead of one for plus sizes.

People without eating disorders don't appreciate what it takes for a former fatty to stay slim.  But what people with eating disorders need to appreciate is that they can do this--it's hard, but possible.  You don't need a magic diet elixir or an expensive diet program complete with bad tasting diet food.  You just need a good plan, and this is a really good plan.  All you have to do is follow it.  Simple? Yes.  Easy? No.  But possible.

There's nothing special about me.  I'm a food addict who's been through the diet mill over and over, just like many other people.  If I can do it, anyone can do it.  As Anthony Hopkins' character says in the movie The Edge, "What one man can do, another man can do."  He is talking about killing a grizzly bear with no weapons other than what he can devise from his surroundings. We're only talking about controlling eating habits.  Anthony Hopkins succeeds in his quest--he kills the grizzly--with a good plan and the help of Alec Baldwin (who later tries to kill him--but that's another story). 

Though the task sometimes seems as tough as killing a grizzly, we too can succeed.  We can control our eating behavior with the help of a good plan and the support of other people. I have both with Learn to Be Thin and my husband John.

Remember: what one person can do, another person can do. 

See you next week.

Looking at Pros and Cons

I skipped last week's update; I guess I didn't have much to say.

This week, things are going along about the same, although I'm trying to step up my exercise minutes a bit. I know that unless I do, I'll get diminishing returns on weight loss because as I lose weight, I'm using fewer calories.

I think I'm going to abandon the technique of writing food down before I eat it (step 8). It doesn't seem to have a use that I can discern; plus I keep forgetting to do it. But I'm still writing things down, still measuring and weighing, despite its being somewhat tedious sometimes.

I've been eating a lot of the same foods every day, which is fine, I guess. It's convenient and quick to make the same lunch every day because I don't have to think much about it. And it's satisfying to eat; it fills me up and I know I'll be okay (not hungry) for a couple of hours.  When I change foods, sometimes they don't work as well to stave off hunger.  Then I'm kind of stuck because I don't know what to eat. I'm not bored with the same lunches or even the same breakfasts every day, though I do like a little variety for dinner. It's good that I'm not bored because it means that I'm looking at food as nourishment rather than entertainment. Whatever works is what I'll eat. I think sometimes that's how thin people feel about food.

I guess I can gradually introduce new foods into my diet that prove to be effective at fending off blood sugar woes.

I continue to make decisions about high-fat and high-sugar foods. This past week my coworker offered chocolate at her cubicle--those Hershey's miniatures, which I love.  I was going to have one until I looked up the calories at the Hershey's website: Hershey's Chocolate.  There's 43 calories in each little bite-size bar. Half is fat.  So if I wanted to call it fat, I guess I could eat one, but otherwise, as an "Extra" (<50 cal), it's not worth it, since it would be the only one I ate that day.   As for calling it a fat, since I'm allowed only three fats per day, I can't waste one on a little piece of chocolate that's gone in a few seconds.

This is the kind of lesson I'm learning from following Shirley.  To make conscious choices is the goal in an eating plan like this.  Weighing and measuring and checking calories all give me information I need to make rational decisions about what to eat, instead of giving in to impulse or pressure from peers or the con of clever subterfuges.

So I'll continue on, doing what I'm doing, as long as it keeps working to teach me how to be thin!

See you next time.

Learning to Be Thin: Tricks and Treats

I'm still losing, which is good, and still learning, which is better!

This week was a short work week, so I spent part of it eating at home--always easier because I can eat things that I can't bring to work, like fried eggs and toast, one of my favorites. 

But it was also Halloween week.  John and I avoided the Halloween candy challenge altogether this year by not buying any candy and lying low in the house with the lights off upstairs until the whole trick-or-treat thing was over. I was going to try to buy only candy we didn't like, but John requested the moratorium, so I went along with it.  At first, I didn't think it would work because kids might ring our doorbell anyway and it would be kind of annoying.  But that didn't happen, so we spent a peaceful evening and afterward didn't have Halloween candy left over and lurking.   Of course, people at work had some on offer, but since I didn't go to work until November 2nd, I avoided most of it and didn't eat any of what was still left by Wednesday.

I did go out to lunch once this week for a celebration, and succeeded in choosing food that was mostly allowed on my meal plan, taking half of it back to work afterward.  So that worked out too.  It wasn't easy, but instead of focusing on food (something I would've done not long ago), I focused on conversing with my coworkers while secretly observing their eating behavior.  For instance, I noticed my thin colleagues didn't finish all the food on their plates, while one of my obese colleagues ate everything on his plate and then took offered leftovers from a thin colleague. Poor man--he was a victim of the "I hate to see good food go to waste" subterfuge. I would've fallen for that one myself not long ago, but this time I didn't bite (ha!).

I took a few longing glances at my boss's uneaten french fries, though, telling myself that they looked kind of pale and cold and not worth eating.  I doubt if he had ever intended to eat them; they just came with the sandwich and he simply ignored them.  Need I mention he's Fred-Astaire-thin?

I find this kind of "research" very helpful.  It solidifies my ideas about what kinds of behavior keep people fat (or thin) and reinforces my desire to change those behaviors.  Change is easier, I think, when we are aware of the path we are on and clearly see the path we want to follow in the future.  (Notice I didn't say "going forward"--how I detest that phrase!!)

So, the week coming up will be another short one, filled with the usual challenges and opportunities to learn and grow.  I'm looking forward to it. 

See you next time!

Halfway to Goal

Well, I've finally achieved a weight loss of thirty pounds, which puts me halfway to my goal of 60 pounds.  It took a little longer than I thought, but I think I will have a better chance of not gaining it back because of the length of time it took.

Quick weight loss seems to be everyone's goal, but that's only because, I think, they run out of patience with their eating plan. They just want to get it over with. Believe me, I understand that impulse completely. I'd like to lose 60 pounds overnight too, but I know that if I did, I'd only gain it back because I hadn't learned to keep it off.

Learning is the key. Unfortunately, learning takes time, sometimes a lot of time. The learning curve on this project is not too steep, but it's long. This past week I tried to work step 8, to write down my food before I ate it; I succeeded about half the time, I'd guess.  I'm not sure if it helps or not, since I almost always contemplate the consequences of eating a meal before preparing it.  Once in a while I eat something impulsively, but not often. I'll have to keep trying this technique before I can decide whether or not it's useful for me.

Being prepared is important though, and important to emphasize yet again.  When I went on a little day trip yesterday I made sure I brought a lunch so I wouldn't be caught without food at a time when I was hungry.  (It's a good thing, too, since the place we went didn't have food.)  I still got hungry though, and was wishing I had brought more food to munch. But it was nice to have food right on hand instead of having to go somewhere to get it. I don't know what would've happened otherwise.

I also got hungry before bed yesterday, which doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it's usually on weekends. I don't really know why I was hungry.  I didn't eat the right kind or amount of food, I guess. Or maybe it was the exercise I had, though I doubt it.  I took care of the hunger, though, by eating more than was allowed on my menu plan. I don't want that to happen again, so I'm going to have to figure out a better strategy for days off.

But thinking about what to do, making a plan and sticking to it is what this project is all about. And writing about it helps immensely; not only am I making a kind of after-action review and report, but I'm also getting the whole business out of my head and on paper where it can be read and thought about by others, and perhaps especially, by me.

See you next week.