Chapter 4: The Right Frame of Mind

This chapter is about the serious subject of preparing ourselves for battle. Embarking on a life-changing plan like this one is going to be difficult and painful, and requires that we approach it as such.  So Shirley shrewdly includes in this chapter such topics as: Finding the Time; A Sense of Self Worth; Developing Willpower for Changing; Making Free Choices; Diet Enemies and Allies; Losing Weight--How Much and How Fast; and How to Work Alone or with a Group.

Each topic deals with some aspect of preparing mentally for what is to come.  For instance, tell yourself that you have that few minutes a day that it will take to write down what you eat, to weigh and measure your food; tell yourself your health and well being are worth the changes that you will be making to your own lifestyle and that of your family. 

The topic of willpower is a sensitive one for most people who overeat.  Critics often tell us to just stop eating, to push ourselves away from the table, to exert some willpower--it's that simple, they say, to lose weight.  But as we know, willpower is not something you can suddenly deploy.  It has to be developed over time, by making the healthier choices over and over until they seem more natural, more routine.  But it has to start with the desire to control eating, or as Shirley says, "to give up the comfort of learned helplessness" (57). But even when you make the decision to change your behavior, you will still have difficulty, and you should expect set backs.  As Shirley says, "Temper enthusiasm and commitment with some practical realism" (58).  Change doesn't happen overnight, but you can learn methods of coping with those times when you're faced with temptation, when your old habits kick in and you want to just give up, put off changing until some more "convenient" time. 

Part of developing willpower is knowing that you have a choice.  You don't have to eat every last pretzel in the bag, or every piece of leftover cake that no one else wants.  You can choose to not eat, or to eat only the amount that is reasonable, or to eat something more nutritious and less calorie-laden than you would have eaten in the past.  Freedom to eat whatever you want becomes instead freedom to choose.  As Shirley puts it, "Real freedom comes from learning to control your actions and your environment" (61), and not allowing them to control you.

One topic Simon touches on in this chapter has to do with those people in your life who may not want you to change, and who see your new attitude toward eating as frightening in some way--"diet enemies," as she calls them.  Maybe those people are more invested than they realize in keeping you fat and eating.  She offers some helps for such obstacles.  And she also tells how to help those who really do want to help so that they don't end up making things worse.  We've all had those friends who, the minute they know you're on a diet, feel they should constantly police you and point out to you when you're slipping up.  Shirley gives us this advice about such would-be "diet allies":

Much as [the diet ally] may want to help, he cannot do the job for the dieter.  He should neither lecture nor scold, for these reactions will only produce negative effects by encouraging subterfuges like the Unloved or the Failure.  Instead, the diet ally should take an honest and adult position.  He should not feign ignorance, but he must at the same time insure that he doesn't pass judgment.  The dieter knows it's wrong. If asked for advice or assistance, the ally should give it, but he must not allow the buck to be passed to him. . . . He should help the dieter to become solution-oriented.  (63-4)

In this chapter Shirley also touches on the issue of losing weight.  Of course, the main reason to change eating habits is to lose weight, but Simon believes we shouldn't dwell on weight loss unduly.  Instead of checking your weight every day (or every hour), you should only check once a week.  And you shouldn't put too much stock in the numbers that come up from week to week.  That way, she believes, the emphasis stays on behavior change and not on weight loss.

The last part of the chapter covers working with weight loss groups.  She has some handy advice if you want to follow her program with others or while being involved in a group like Weight Watchers.  Not all groups are helpful and may even make changing behavior more difficult.  She advises caution and gives some tips.

Chapter 5 is the final chapter in the first section, "Understanding Your Problems."  I'll cover that chapter in my next post.

Chapter 3: Who Are You?

Chapter 3 of Learn to Be Thin asks you, the reader, to "examine your Eating Self," the you who eats too much and regrets it afterward. What is the main behavior pattern that you use to succeed in overeating?

In this chapter, too, Shirley talks about "food-related stimuli" (39)--those things in our environment that are triggering the eating response.  Learning about what is triggering overeating can help us to either eliminate the triggers or head them off some way.

Shirley breaks the Eating Self into three categories: Bingers, Nibblers, and Hearty Eaters.

Binge eaters eat normally most of the time until they get to the binge; then it's off to the races until the binge is finished.  Shirley examines the "dynamics" of the binge: "what gets it started, what keeps it going, what makes it gain momentum, and why it won't end" (39).  What seems to be true with all binges, she says, is that the person is not aware of what the trigger is and before he or she becomes aware, it's too late.

For me, a binge often starts with an overindulgence of some kind.  I allow myself to have a hot fudge sundae, or I go to a dessert buffet and decide to sample it all.  Then when the sugar rush wears off, I'm looking for another hit.  Often times, when I can't find the good stuff, I'll settle for the mediocre sweets, which of course doesn't satisfy the craving, so I go looking for more.  Eventually it ends, but it may be weeks later.  Mine is more of what Shirley calls a "binge-stop-binge pattern" (41).

I agree, though, that not thinking is what makes it carry on.  But I also think there's more to it than that. I can feel the craving coming over me sometimes. I may have gone without eating sweets for several days, then in a moment of not thinking, or of telling myself "one won't hurt," I go ahead and eat a donut or a piece of chocolate.  Almost as soon as I do, I feel a little "rush" that makes me take a mental step back and think "Uh-oh; here we go."  Sometimes I'm not aware of the rush and I go with the feeling for a few days or a week.

The Nibblers are those who overeat in bits and dabs. They can tell themselves they're not eating too much because they're just taking a few of this and a bite of that.  It seems like it's nothing, but it adds up.  And once again, it's unconscious eating.  If you're at a party, you're talking and not noticing how much you're putting into your mouth.  But it ends up being a lot, and then you can't account for why you feel so full. 

I've been a Nibbler at parties where there are bowls of chips and dip, or fancy little stuffed mushrooms or other hors d'oevres, or at Mexican restaurants where they bring me a bowl of taco chips and salsa, and by the time the meal arrives I'm so full of chips the meal seems almost unappetizing.  But of course I eat it anyway.  Eating in front of the TV when watching a movie or a game also should be included in this category.  Nibbling, I think, is particularly unconscious eating and therefore particularly insidious. 

The Hearty Eater is someone who claims to love eating and wants to eat a lot and does so at every opportunity.  It seems well planned, but is it really?  The Hearty Eater needs an excuse, like any other overeater, and can find one readily enough.  There is always a reason to overeat if we go looking for one.

I fall victim to this when I go out to eat, or when eating at other people's houses.  My friends and family know I like to eat and want to please me, so they serve delicious food.  They know I'll appreciate their efforts more than their skinny friends who say "Oh, no, I'm so full I couldn't eat another bite."  I can't tell you how many times I've been praised for my "good appetite." They want to please me, I want to please them, and so I go ahead and eat that extra bite and the next and the next.  Everybody's happy, everybody's got a valid excuse for me to eat, and I just get fatter.

What Shirley is trying to get across in this chapter with her analysis is that in order to change our eating habits, it's crucial that we become aware of them, not just when we're reading the chapter, but at the moments when they are actually operating on us.  My awareness of the rush that I get when I eat sweets after not eating them for a few days is the kind of attention I need to pay every time I put food in my mouth, or even think about eating.

Have you ever noticed how many commercials there are on TV for highly caloric food? Who do you think is the target of those ads? Ah, yes, it's us, the food addicts.  Pay attention to them sometime and notice what they're using to get us to eat.  They're going for the subliminal approach, making it all so enticing.

There should be warning labels for these foods that follow the ads, like the ones prescription drugs are forced to include in their ads.  Maybe that would make us aware of what those ads are triggering.  It's a thought.  Is it going to happen any time soon? Not a chance!  So we have to do it ourselves, to mentally include the warnings, the list of side effects to that 1/2 pound bacon and cheese burger that looks so good!

So this week, we gain more understanding of our eating behaviors. One step closer to freedom from eating tyranny!

Frugal Fatties

One of the subterfuges that is no doubt well known to children of the Great Depression as well as their children is the "Waste not, want not" subterfuge.  It's a worthy sentiment at times and places where hunger is a constant presence, but in typical American households where people are packing on the pounds, it's not something to worry about.  Clearly not much food is in danger of being wasted there.

But it makes a great excuse for not throwing away the last third of a bag of stale, tasteless nacho chips, despite the fact that they're being ingested only a half-hour after a full dinner.  Or for eating the last piece of cheap, store brand cherry pie that tastes more like corn starch than fruit. 

Or how about those times when there's a little bit of food left over, but you're too stuffed to eat another bite?  Do you throw that little bit away?  No, you finish it, saying, "It's not enough to put away and I don't want to waste it."  It's not wasted then.  No, it's filling up rows and rows of empty new fat cells!

And perhaps the most popular Frugal Subterfuge is "But I got it on sale!"  It's funny how only the high calorie treats are a great bargain.  We'll snap up those two-for-one M&Ms at Walmart, but when celery is two-for-one, are we interested? Nah! "What would I do with all that celery?" we ask, never wondering where six pounds of chocolate covered peanut candy is going to go.

Yes, I'm afraid I too am guilty of trotting out the tried-and-true Frugality Subterfuge, but it's just another excuse for eating, after all, and one that needs to be seen for what it is! Would you agree?

Chapter 2: The Subterfuges of Fat

Chapter 2 of Learn to Be Thin, "The Subterfuges of Fat," is my favorite because it's so funny.  In this chapter Shirley lays out the many, many ways people come up with to justify their eating behavior.  It's part of a five-chapter section labeled "Understanding Your Problems," in which we, the readers who presumably want to change our lives, become aware of what is really standing in the way of success (not what we always tell ourselves is standing in the way).

One of those obstacles is denial.  Instead of acknowledging that what we do is largely responsible for keeping us fat, we point the finger at other supposed culprits--family members who offer us food, weekly birthday parties at work, genetic predisposition, holiday seasons (there are so many!), stress, boredom, fatigue, etc. etc. etc.  And then, relieved of the burden of having to change, we keep on eating.

"The Subterfuges of Fat" identifies those "culprits."  It's a humorous chapter because it forces you to see how ridiculous some of those justifications are.  I think you'll recognize some of them when you read through this chapter; I did.  Here's one that was familiar to me, "The Sickly Subterfuge":

A vast assortment of symptoms accompany this excuse for eating. One such symptom is the hunger headache, which can be cured only with such potent remedies as chocolate and whipped cream cake. Even if you haven't had such a headache for quite a while, you can live in almost constant fear of a possible recurrence. Therefore, you never let up on your regimen of preventive eating.

You may also suffer from fatigue--a rather odd sort to be sure, in that it can't be relieved by sleep or rest. It can only be relieved by food. Not just any food, only certain kinds, like, perhaps, pizza or peanut butter sandwiches. It comes on at rather odd times, like right after eating a heavy meal or after sitting around doing absolutely nothing all day long.  (19-20)

Here's another familiar pair: "The Good-Time Charlie and Celebrator Subterfuges":

This happy twosome plays out variations on the same theme.  Each is dedicated to the pursuit of happiness--a somewhat narrow and limited happiness, to be sure, but a kind of happiness, nevertheless.  The happiness comes from eating.  Unfortunately, this pleasure, like all good things in life, carries with it a high price tag.  But their rationalization is that in order to get something of value you must be willing to give something up--in this case good looks, good health, a sense of dignity, and a host of other expendables. 

The person who hides his eating habits under the cloak of a Good-Time Charlie decides at certain times he wants to have fun and that, in order to have fun, he needs to eat. . . . Celebrators can be pardoned because they're pressured by social necessity.  Friends have birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, confirmations, graduations, and all these demand participation, to say nothing of the happy events in your own life.  And each of these must be celebrated with food.  (30)

There are many other, equally laughable, equally familiar subterfuges presented in this chapter, but they all have the same goal: eating.  As Shirley says, "That's the payoff, the basic reinforcement, no matter what the initial pretext was" (17).  Here's Shirley's list:

The Beleaguered Subterfuge; the Martyr; the Unloved; the Failure; the Buck-Passer; the Revenge Subterfuge; the Know-It-All; the Willpower Subterfuge; the Confession Subterfuge; the Sneak; the Procrastination Subterfuge; the Justifier; the Weak Naysarer; the Diet Dilettante; the Envy Subterfuge; the Professional; the Schizophrenic [split-mind, that is] Subterfuge. 

Each description has some seeds of truth in it. I find that my subterfuges are combinations of some of these.  For instance, one I use often is what I call the "Now's My Chance" subterfuge.  I use it around the holidays, usually, in combination with the Celebrator.  It goes like this: now that the holidays are upon us, no one will be expecting me to be on a diet, so I might as well enjoy myself and eat now while I have the chance. Unfortunately, the holidays last from early October, when the Halloween candy comes out, until Valentine's Day and beyond.  As long as I can claim a holiday, I can use the Now's My Chance subterfuge. And I keep eating.

The purpose of Chapter 2 is to get us to examine our subterfuges--what are we refusing to acknowledge about our eating behavior and what lame excuses are we hiding behind?

So this week I'm working on my Subterfuges, to try to ferret them out, bring them out into the light so they can be examined for what they are--excuses to stay fat.  You can join me if you like!

Chapter 1: Payoffs and Consequences

In Chapter 1, Shirley Simon tells us a little about behaviorist psychology.  "Behaviorist psychology," she explains, "says that we are what we are and we do what we do mainly because we have learned to behave in certain ways.  We eat the way we do because we have learned to eat that way" (12).  What does that mean? Well, it's really a matter of common sense, if you think about it. 

Humans are learning machines. From the moment we hit the world of air and light, we are learning, and we don't stop until the last gasp. We have a variety of ways of learning how to survive and thrive in the world, some trial-and-error, some watching and imitating, some reading and thinking. We act and then something happens; what we learn depends on what results from our actions.

As the behaviorist sees it, the lessons that stick are the ones that are reinforced--we get a payoff of some kind, whether negative or positive.
 
For example, when you're a small child exploring your world, you might come across a hot stove, put your hand on it and come away with a painful burn.  Instant lesson!  In the future, you'll avoid touching a hot stove.  Your behavior has been modified by that experience.

As Shirley says, "we learn to do those things that have good consequences and learn not to do those things that have bad consequences" (14).  But what are good and what are bad consequences?  The individual decides, and not always in her best interest.

For instance, eating some chocolate might have the good consequences of making me feel good.  (The chemicals in chocolate have that effect, I've been told.)  And that will make me want to eat chocolate in the future, to get that payoff.  My behavior has been positively reinforced.

Or suppose I make a loaf of my banana bread and take it to work.  When people eat it, they praise me, tell me it's good.  I feel good as a result of that approval.  So I'll want to make more loaves of bread to take to work in the future.  (Of course, there's the added benefit of getting to eat some of it myself.)

But how often can I eat chocolate or bake banana bread before people start to wonder about me?  Going after the payoff reaches a limit at some point.  It's alright to eat chocolate on Valentine's Day, when I've  been given a box of chocolates.  But I can't eat six boxes of chocolates, even on Valentine's Day, without prompting worry or disapproval from those around me (negative consequences). 

There's a limit to socially acceptable chocolate eating, it seems, just as there's a limit to how many times I can bake banana bread and bring it to work, no matter how much people might enjoy it. Pass that limit and formerly good consequences (approval) turn into bad consequences (disapproval).

So what to do?  How to achieve the good payoff and avoid the bad?  By finding socially acceptable reasons to eat, of course.  For most food addicts, that's not a problem, as Shirley Simon reveals in Chapter 2: The Subterfuges of Fat.