This week I tried out a "normal" behavior: occasionally eating too much. I see thin people doing this, so, I figure, it must be something I can do, too. Right? Well, maybe, but it's not so easy and it did keep me from losing weight this week. But I learned some things, and that's the idea, after all.
The occasion was an "off-site team-building" get-together for my section at work (really just a luncheon) where we went to a co-worker's weekend cottage to have a cook-out with hamburgers, sausages, various salads, ice cream and pie. I decided to eat some of everything, as I perceive a "normal" person would do. So I had a hamburger with bun, a few tablespoons of salad, some chips, and a slice of pie with ice cream for dessert. Several people in my section are slender. I took note of what they were eating, which was similar to what I was eating, so I figured it was okay.
But I didn't eat the way I usually would have at such an event--that is, eating everything in sight in large quantities--with the excuse that it was my "chance" to eat a lot. In fact, I tried to slow down and eat one bite at a time, talking in between bites. I did fill up pretty fast and didn't go back for seconds. But I knew what I was eating was more than what I was allowed that day.
Then it was time for dessert. The pie was delicious and was great with the ice cream; both were home made. I was given a huge serving of ice cream that I could've refused, but I accepted it. I didn't eat it all, though. I just left it on my plate, and amazingly, no one cared. In the past, leaving ice cream uneaten would've been impossible for me. So I feel like I accomplished something with the ice cream, even though I ate the whole piece of pie.
What was interesting to me was the host's encouragement to eat more ice cream. We had too much for the twelve of us, apparently, especially with the pie. Even after everyone had had one serving, there was plenty left over. But Ron (who is not fat) didn't want to take it home, so he was trying to get us to eat it. A couple of the heavier folks were persuaded to eat more of the ice cream, and someone else agreed to take home the leftovers.
It reminded me of the many times I've been waylaid by that argument: you have to help "get rid of" extra food. It's especially interesting when those making the argument are slim, and they're not "helping" to eat the food themselves. They probably don't consciously think about it, but they know they can count on the fatties to eat the leftovers they don't want to deal with.
Well, they didn't get me this time, although I was sorely tempted. I just told myself I didn't need ice cream at home, that I (or my husband) would just eat it, and probably right away. I did take the meat, which wasn't urged on me, though I probably shouldn't have, since it was fattier meat than I usually have. I guess it was a compromise with my "waste not, want not" subterfuge. Maybe next time I can ignore the leftovers completely! One step at a time.
My experiment taught me that to occasionally indulge is normal, but it's not as easy as it seems. We fatties see skinnies eating a lot, but then we don't see them later, when they're eating nothing at all for hours, or eating small amounts on a regular basis. We really don't have different metabolisms than normal weight people; we just have a problem stopping when we've had enough.
I may never get to the point where I don't think about food, but at least my thoughts can change from "How can I eat more?" to "How can I eat just enough?"
See you next week.
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