Physiology

Okay, it's becoming obvious that Shirley left some things out of her diet book, mostly having to do with addiction.  I think Shirley didn't want to discuss addiction because that implies a lack of control, and she is all about control.  Maybe she even went to a meeting or two of Overeaters Anonymous and found it wasn't for her.  It's a shame, really, that OA is all we have for help with eating addictions because 12-step plans can seem a bit too pushy for some people. (I'm one of them.)

But as I've said before in this blog, organizations and programs that don't acknowledge addiction as the root cause of compulsive overeating are not going to be successful ultimately--at least not for the sufferer.  (The programs are always going to be successful, whether they work or not, because what they are offering, really, is hope.)

Shirley's program at least hints at compulsion and the necessity to change the way we think about food.  She was right in her theories about "subterfuges of fat," but I think she overestimated an addict's ability to go back to eating highly fat- and sugar- concentrated foods in a controlled manner. She used the term "levels of coping" to describe the fat person's ability to eat certain foods responsibly, and did acknowledge that some foods would never move beyond Coping Level VII, the "out of sight, out of mind" level where you can't even be around the stimulus food without scarfing it down.  But she seemed to see that response as a rare occurrence and believed that most people would be able to move beyond Level VII for foods that they especially like. I'm not so sure she was right about that.

OA asks members to come up with a list of what they call "trigger" foods that (as alcohol does for alcoholics) trigger a conditioned response of indulging until you fall over and pass out from fat and sugar poisoning. But I think it's more than that one episode of overindulgence that is the danger. As with alcoholism or any other compulsion, once you give in, it's hard to stop.  Like the wolf lurking outside a little cabin in the woods, the compulsion is there to pounce on you when you open the door to indulgence just a little crack.

I had a reminder of that the other day when I ate some chocolate for the first time in a while.  I felt a little burning sensation (from the acid, no doubt) in my mouth, but also, immediately, somewhere else in my body, somewhere in my heart area--maybe it was in my blood that I felt it?  I can't pinpoint its exact location but it was amazing how that first taste focused all my attention on what I was eating.  Once the candy was consumed, I did not stop thinking about it and continued to go back to the source, eating more pieces until the desire stopped, long after I should have stopped eating and would have stopped had I not been addicted.

This is the problem with an eating addict's trying to consume reasonable amounts of food.  For us, some foods prompt the cascade of sensations that give rise to the barely controllable urge to eat more and more until it's all gone or satiation is reached.  Unfortunately, satiation isn't reached quickly--not at all.  Shirley Simon talks about habit, about behavior and stimulus-response, but she doesn't talk about the physiology of the phenomenon. There is a physical sensation that certain foods set off, and it must be acknowledged and dealt with in order to succeed at controlling compulsive eating.

Some eating addicts would say that they don't have a binge problem.  Okay, but they might have a nibbling problem (a little of this and a little of that adds up), or a hearty appetite problem (having the hamburger, the hot dog, the cole slaw, the potato chips, the baked beans, the pasta salad, the guacamole, the dip, the fruit, the veggies and then the brownies, the pie, the ice cream and the jello for dessert).  You're habituated, you turn off your mind, you give yourself excuses, but you also physically crave that fat and sugar.

How to fix it, though?  Ah, there's the rub, isn't it?  I'm going to have to think more about that and get back to you.

Cravings . . .

I had a bad day yesterday--eating everything I'm not supposed to.  It's the cravings.  They present themselves as hunger, but they're not hunger and I don't have a good response when they sweep over me. I might just have to gut it out. More later.

Heading Off Heading Up

Well, I'm still struggling, still hovering around 155, still fearful of heading back up. Today I weighed 157--not bad, but not good either.

What to do?  Well, keep working at it. I had my usual breakfast this morning, which is a good start.  Now, to just stick to the plan today.

Maybe I'll try the cloud again . . . Anyway, there's not much to say other than the usual lament of its not being easy and never will be easy, not the rest of my life.

Like any addiction, it digs in and won't let go.  There's no way to get it out of my system; I just have to find a way to live with it.

Maybe I can try daily blogging?  Is that a possibility?

My food today so far:  1/3 c oatmeal, 1 c. milk, 1 T walnuts, 2 T raisins, cinnamon, sweetner, 1 muffin, 1 t jelly, coffee.  Totals:  1 bread, 2 meats, 1 milk, 2 fats, 1 fruit, 13 extra.

This is the hard part, folks.  I know those of you who've been there know what I mean.  Even if I were at goal weight, I'd be struggling.  That's the path I've chosen, and I believe it's the right one, despite my not being entirely happy with its results.

See you next time.