Today I was challenged by eating supper with Mom. The food was high in carbs and low in protein. I had a cookie for dessert but then I started feeling a craving for more foods like that once I got home. But I reminded myself that that was what I should expect from my trigger foods. I've garnered three stickers so far but I don't think I'll reward myself for one today. Tomorrow is back to basics.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Monday, May 26, 2014
Gold Star Training
Today was day two of my program restart. I had numerous temptations while tooling around the mall area and in the grocery store (I was shopping hungry), but I gave in to none of them. I kept thinking I wouldn't get my sticker if I bought and/or ate any of my trigger foods.
I've created a little sticker system which is reminiscent of elementary school gold stars, a proven method of encouragement, and ultimately, behavior modification. Every day that I stick to my eating plan I get a sticker on the calendar.
I had a little trouble with limiting the amount of pasta I prepared tonight. I made a compromise: usually I make 4 oz for two people; tonight I made just three. That equaled 1.5 breads, which is more than I'm allocated, but I let it go. As I said, it was a compromise. Next time maybe I'll do the 2 oz of pasta which will be just enough, especially if I make less sauce as well.
Now I'm full and glad I stuck to the plan. Also, I'm trying to slow down and enjoy my meal. So far, so good.
I've created a little sticker system which is reminiscent of elementary school gold stars, a proven method of encouragement, and ultimately, behavior modification. Every day that I stick to my eating plan I get a sticker on the calendar.
I had a little trouble with limiting the amount of pasta I prepared tonight. I made a compromise: usually I make 4 oz for two people; tonight I made just three. That equaled 1.5 breads, which is more than I'm allocated, but I let it go. As I said, it was a compromise. Next time maybe I'll do the 2 oz of pasta which will be just enough, especially if I make less sauce as well.
Now I'm full and glad I stuck to the plan. Also, I'm trying to slow down and enjoy my meal. So far, so good.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Finnegan Begin Again
So, back to basics? Well, I've lost track of the book temporarily, but I've about got it memorized anyway, so I'll start with the subterfuges, because that is the basis for the decisions I make about what I eat. The subterfuges make it possible to eat, and that is the payoff.
So, one subterfuge: I can't refuse to eat any food that is part of a celebration, no matter how paltry.
That one's always good for birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas and Thanksgiving, of course. But it's also good for minor holidays such as Memorial Day, Labor Day, Independence Day, and wedding anniversaries. And then there are trips, visits to relatives or friends, and going out to dinner, where such eating is expected if not required.
Giving in to such "exceptions" to the dietary rule is easy; resisting is not, especially when you've built up years of expectations in the mind of family and friend that you are going to overindulge and everyone wants you to so that you continue to be the person you are.
It's a subterfuge, therefore, because in the end I get to eat. But it's also a challenge because if I want to refuse to eat, I have to go up against family or friends to do so, and they're not always so happy about it. (But I'm starting to like the idea of calling it an allergy--people respect allergies, after all.)
But that's not the only subterfuge. There's the daily mind trick I play that says I have to eat junk to appease my low blood sugar problem. This is a kind of medical subterfuge, a variety of "feed a cold"--if I'm hungry, not just any carbohydrates will do. No, no. They have to be fatty, sugary carbos, such as come in a muffin from the bakery at the student union. Even though two hours later I'll be hungry again no matter what I eat, I tell myself the muffin will be more effective at staving off hunger than the apple.
Not thinking is what makes this all possible. I know my brain is doing this to me, but when the time comes to ignore the brain's insistence, I pretend it's real instead of just brain chemistry.
It's not easy; going against lifelong habits is a very difficult thing to do, but it's the only thing that will work. Breaking the eating and . . . chains, exposing the subterfuges of fat--those are the actions I must take in order to stay slim and deal with my addiction.
The 12 step programs don't lend themselves completely to eating disorders, because food addicts usually don't hurt anybody but themselves; that's why it's still okay to be a food addict. Look at Mike and Molly, the TV show. They are supposed to be trying to fight their addictions, but instead they get lots of laughs from eating too much. It's interesting that alcohol addiction is no longer a cause for laughter, even in sit coms. People drink too much in sit coms, but other people seem worried about them. They don't make fun of them because of it.
So, Finnegan Begin Again today, eh? One day at a time. I should make some pins to reward myself with. I can't get the 24 hour pin until tonight because I ate cake last night at around 9 PM. (I found out they don't have 24 hour coins with OA; I'll have to come up with my own.)
So, I'll make a 24-hour pin, a 72-hour pin, and a 1-week pin for myself.
So, one subterfuge: I can't refuse to eat any food that is part of a celebration, no matter how paltry.
That one's always good for birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas and Thanksgiving, of course. But it's also good for minor holidays such as Memorial Day, Labor Day, Independence Day, and wedding anniversaries. And then there are trips, visits to relatives or friends, and going out to dinner, where such eating is expected if not required.
Giving in to such "exceptions" to the dietary rule is easy; resisting is not, especially when you've built up years of expectations in the mind of family and friend that you are going to overindulge and everyone wants you to so that you continue to be the person you are.
It's a subterfuge, therefore, because in the end I get to eat. But it's also a challenge because if I want to refuse to eat, I have to go up against family or friends to do so, and they're not always so happy about it. (But I'm starting to like the idea of calling it an allergy--people respect allergies, after all.)
But that's not the only subterfuge. There's the daily mind trick I play that says I have to eat junk to appease my low blood sugar problem. This is a kind of medical subterfuge, a variety of "feed a cold"--if I'm hungry, not just any carbohydrates will do. No, no. They have to be fatty, sugary carbos, such as come in a muffin from the bakery at the student union. Even though two hours later I'll be hungry again no matter what I eat, I tell myself the muffin will be more effective at staving off hunger than the apple.
Not thinking is what makes this all possible. I know my brain is doing this to me, but when the time comes to ignore the brain's insistence, I pretend it's real instead of just brain chemistry.
It's not easy; going against lifelong habits is a very difficult thing to do, but it's the only thing that will work. Breaking the eating and . . . chains, exposing the subterfuges of fat--those are the actions I must take in order to stay slim and deal with my addiction.
The 12 step programs don't lend themselves completely to eating disorders, because food addicts usually don't hurt anybody but themselves; that's why it's still okay to be a food addict. Look at Mike and Molly, the TV show. They are supposed to be trying to fight their addictions, but instead they get lots of laughs from eating too much. It's interesting that alcohol addiction is no longer a cause for laughter, even in sit coms. People drink too much in sit coms, but other people seem worried about them. They don't make fun of them because of it.
So, Finnegan Begin Again today, eh? One day at a time. I should make some pins to reward myself with. I can't get the 24 hour pin until tonight because I ate cake last night at around 9 PM. (I found out they don't have 24 hour coins with OA; I'll have to come up with my own.)
So, I'll make a 24-hour pin, a 72-hour pin, and a 1-week pin for myself.
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