Sneaky Old Behaviors

Once again I've failed to post regularly to this blog.  I've had the same problem with my other two blogs the last couple of weeks--I'm not sure why.  But I am going to try to do better. Logging challenges as well as progress is a big help.

I've gotten into somewhat of a routine with my eating plan, but that's a recipe for complacency, as any addict would agree, so I wasn't surprised to find myself over-measuring again.  That's when I push the envelope just a little too far on the cup or the tablespoon measure. Funny thing, though. I only over-measure those foods I like, such as pasta or potatoes or peanut butter, filling them to overflowing--sometimes literally.  The other day I was measuring mayo the way I usually do, and found when I checked it that I had over-measured by half! 

These old behaviors will come back; if they can't walk in by the front door they'll steal around to the back and sneak in.  Before you know it, your weight is creeping back up and you have to start all over again.  I do not want that to happen!

One realization I'm coming to--I will always be a food addict.  Though I might get to the point where I can eat like a non-food-addict, I will always think about food in a different way than my naturally slender peers.  My rejection of gluttony is always going to be a conscious and sometimes difficult choice. 

Again, I compare my way of thinking to that of an alcoholic or gambling addict.  I don't think twice about passing up an opportunity to drink, or leaving a half-drunk bottle of beer on the table. It doesn't bother me to buy only one lottery ticket or to skip buying one for weeks at a time.  I don't even think about it.

I know how an alcoholic feels when I see someone I'm dining with take two bites of a luscious piece of chocolate cake, then leave the rest on his plate.  I want to finish it for him, just as an alcoholic has the urge to finish the drinks of people at her table.  I want to scold him for "wasting" a good piece of cake. I'm not sure I'll ever stop thinking that.

Does it make sense to give in to such urges?  Oh, one could argue that we should live it up; life is short, after all.  Enjoy what life has to offer, including delicious food.  That would be fine, if an addicted person could stop at one piece of cake or one dish of ice cream. How much cake or ice cream constitutes enjoyment?  Where does enjoyment stop and compulsion begin?  Really, the enjoyment of taste doesn't last past the first few bites.  After that, there's only the desire to finish the bowl, to avoid the anxiety of "good food" left uneaten.  That's what we give into, really. The compulsion, not the joie de vivre.

See you next post!