Be the Tiger

King Henry:Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility;
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger. . . .
Henry The Fifth Act 3, scene 1, 1–6

Okay, so, the junk food is almost gone now, but there will be more opportunities to eat high-calorie foods, rest assured. So, what to do when that happens? As King Henry would say, "Once more into the breach!" It's time for war, and "when the blast of war blows in our ears," we cannot afford to be modest or humble. We must "imitate the action of the tiger."  Grrrrrr . . .

But how to be a tiger with food addiction? My enemies are two, it seems: Hunger and Habit. Oftentimes I'm confronted with intense hunger that I feel a crushing need to satisfy immediately. That's when I'm subject to eating high-calorie foods (HCF). But I really don't need to do that; I just think I do. What should I do instead? No, let's change that word, that bad should word that carries with it all those guilt feelings. Let's make it more positive: What could I do instead? What are my options?

Well, sometimes I try to eat fruit or other lower-calorie, higher nutrition foods (LCF). That works, but only for about an hour; then I need another infusion of calories to go another hour. It's inconvenient, since I have to bring to work more and more foods to get me through the afternoon. Afternoon seems my hardest time, and the hard time continues into supper, since by the time I eat I'm so hungry I wolf down my food, eating more than I need to.

What other options do I have besides eating fruit or other LCF? Well, I could ignore the hunger, but that has proven to be unwise in the past, because eventually I start to feel weak, faint, or irritable--sometimes all three.

But eating every hour means more calories. I guess I could eat less at meals, or save some for later. That might work. And it will get me habituated to eating less at a meal so that I don't fill up beyond satiation. But it will be hard, no matter what.

Evening is also hard because I must face my other enemy: Habit. I've become accustomed to eating after supper, not because I'm hungry, but because it feels good to stuff my face while watching TV. Eating is okay if it's necessary, but it should be within the limits of the food intake for the day. I like to eat HCF in the evening, but I don't always need to. And I don't need to eat in front of the TV either because, as Shirley says, I'm creating a new chain of habits that I will at some time have to break.

Another problem I have is with measuring and weighing--it's very time consuming and when I'm doing it, I'm hungry and my food is getting cold. I tend to overestimate when I'm hungry, and I want to skip doing it because I don't want my food to get cold. It's the anxiety that comes with the hunger, I think. What to do about that? Stop worrying and just tell myself I'll be okay, that nutrients are coming and everything will be fine. That's what Shirley says: take a breath. Maybe saying Grace was a way people had of slowing things down, keeping themselves from attacking their food like a hungry animal. There's something to be said for that, even if the pause you take is not religious.

Let's face it--I've analyzed this situation 10 ways to Sunday, as they say, especially in this blog. I know everything I need to know about why and when and what I eat. So the next step--the hardest step--is action. Back to the battle! Be the tiger! But remember, the tiger is not only fierce, but watchful, cunning, smart.

I'm not ready yet to "close the wall up" on my hope for slimness. So it's into the breach, dear friends. Once more.

Cold Turkey?

Okay, it's a new year and we still have lots of junk food to "get rid of," that is, eat. And then we can stop, right? Well, it won't be easy. Cold turkey stopping is the hardest, but probably the most effective way of getting it done. And what do I want to get done? Deal with my eating/food addiction. And it's not eating, really, that's the problem, it's eating certain foods, foods that have become like addictive substances in the way that alcohol is an addictive substance. Drinking alcohol is the fastest way to get the alcohol into the brain where it alters one's perceptions and satisfies the physical need that the brain has created by adding receptors. Chewing and swallowing is the fastest way to get the addictive substances from food into the brain, too, I guess.

It's interesting, really, that the person who drinks to excess craves the feeling that alcohol gives her or him. Why would anyone crave that feeling? One of my former coworkers, who was an alcoholic, said that the feeling was one of "riding," as if he were on top of a wave, above it all. It must be that not riding meant crashing, and that there was no in between for him. But in between is where he would want to be, one would think. In between is normal. Maybe normal was too boring? No, it must be that normal for him meant depressed. And that is because he needed what alcohol was giving him in order to not feel depressed. For him, there was no place where he was not depressed and also not drunk. Or at least he feared there was no such place. His preference was drunk over depressed because he thought that was his only choice.

So, is that how it is for me? Do I fear the state of not eating because it means being depressed? What is the state of eating? What can I call that? Drunk, inebriated, sloshed, blitzed, etc. are all terms one could use for being under the influence of alcohol. But what does one call being under the influence of out-of-control eating or some other compulsive behavior like gambling or shopping or hoarding? Blissed? That doesn't seem to cover it, really, because often times it doesn't feel like bliss--it feels like fear. At first it feels like bliss, but that doesn't last long. Same way with alcohol, I think. It feels good at first, then it feels like nothing. Then, the next day, when the cravings start, it feels bad to be without. The crash happens when the wave collapses.

So, going a day or two without sweets is uncomfortable, but about the third or fourth day, it starts to feel bad. The wave collapses and the addict crashes, going under the water for a while before struggling back to the surface. It's uncomfortable, then frightening. Then the drug-seeking behavior starts and the mind homes in on finding supplies, getting back on top of the wave.

So, how to get past it? Well, the body says that you need to go longer without, to resist the mind's solution, get past the bad days until the cravings diminish to a reasonable level. Will they ever disappear? Maybe, but probably not. The problem is they can be fully restored with just a small amount of the addictive substance. A single cookie, a half a doughnut, a piece of birthday cake. Because those brain-created receptors don't go away completely, they can be reawakened, and quite easily, apparently.

What do I tell myself, then, when the cravings start? It's painful, after all. Do I lock myself in a room and not eat for a day or three or five? Not very practical, and not possible, really. So what, then? Good question. Twelve-step programs tell you to get with your sponsor, talk it through, rely on each other for support. Are there any other possibilities? Smoking cessation programs give you a drug to take until you feel ready to quit altogether. But that's not cold turkey, as they say.

So, I'll have to think more about how these things can work. Shirley Simon has several methods for dealing with an inability to control eating certain foods. Her method for the most difficult ones is to just keep them out of the house or out of reach. Another is to get someone to help you clear the table after you've served foods you can't eat. There are other methods.

But how to face the painful effects of withdrawal? Good question. I'll have to think on that more.

Another Successful Day

Today I managed to avoid eating one of my coworker's whoopee pies which was no doubt good tasting. I stuck to my plan and felt somewhat out of sorts, perhaps due to withdrawal from sweets. I got through the day alright, though. Yesterday evening went pretty well, too. So I'm doing okay so far.

One Day at a Time, They Say

Today I decided to try to stick to my eating plan, even though I might want to veer off.

I have been able to do that so far. I was sorely tempted at lunch time, though, when I went to the student union to eat my lunch. I'm always attracted to the lovely baked goods they have there. But I ate while reading my book and felt virtuous.

I'll see if I can get through the evening unscathed!

Fear of Deprivation

So, my husband's getting going on his diet so I guess that means I have to get going on mine. So what's it going to take to get me going again?

Lately I've been feeling like I want to treat myself and comfort myself and the easiest way to do that is with food, or so I've been reasoning. But I keep gaining weight because I'm no longer tracking my intake and telling myself that's okay.

What can I substitute for the comfort I get from food? Well, first of all, it's not the food that's comforting me but my brain, associating food with comfort and rewarding me with good brain chemicals. What can I do instead to reward myself with good brain chemicals? I don't know, but it's scary to think about leaving my treats behind.

Good Day

Today I did pretty well. I didn't eat at the Student Union or buy any extras there, so my lunch was what I had brought. I did have a granola bar instead of a fruit for a late afternoon snack, and I had a little extra fat at dinner, but otherwise I think I did okay, weighing and measuring and trying to eat slowly.

Good Start

Today I went to see my doctor who is a little concerned about my blood pressure. She advised me to get more exercise, eat healthfully, lose weight and avoid salt. Those are all things I know I should do but it was nice to know someone is going to be checking on me.

I did pretty well yesterday and today. I avoided eating cake at work and cheese at supper. I measured and weighed my food today, too, which was very satisfying to accomplish. And since I had to fast for a while this morning, I did well not to eat something bad after my doctor's appointment.

So, off to a good start!