Post Turkey Day Test

Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day, and as tradition dictates, one overeats. It's a feast day and so I feasted. I didn't go as far overboard as I have in years past, but did have pie and ice cream and more fat than I usually have considering the green bean casserole with its French Fried Onions. The corn bread also added some fat as did the gravy and the eggnog.

But now the challenge becomes can I take a short detour and get back on the road quickly? This is the big problem and the reason that "the holidays" become October through February. We food addicts make a big excuse that carries us right through the holiday period--like a four-month pass that allows us to eat whatever we want. I'm going to try to thwart that impulse this year. If I do, the payoff will be in control and also in future short-term indulgences.

I know--I've tried this before to no avail. But I can't give up. What will my reward be? I have to think about that some. It should be something substantial. We'll see.

Meanwhile, I'm going to try to confine my overeating to supper time, but only because there is pie, casserole and eggnog left to eat.

Week One Is Done - Bring On the Next!

I did alright over the weekend--lost 3 lbs this week, but that's common at the beginning. I keep telling myself that the payoff is not in the food but in the control.

What shall I reward myself with this week? I'll have to think on it. Mostly I want to give myself time to do things I don't seem to have time to do normally. Indulgences I refrain from. We'll see.

Still Moving Forward, Avoiding the Ditch

I did pretty well today, although I did get hungry a bit during the afternoon.

I finished the new mystery I was reading as my reward. Now I have to come up with another one. I'll have to think on it.

I'm trying to avoid thinking that I'm depriving myself if I don't eat all the food available to me.  I have to keep telling myself that I don't need that payoff.  That it's not all it's cracked up to be.

The Hunger Dilemma

I was terribly hungry yesterday, but I persevered, mostly through eating an additional fruit. But I didn't go off my program so I felt proud and relieved when the day was over.

I've decided to reward myself with reading my mystery every day that I manage to get through without veering off.  So far it's working. I'm getting a payoff from refraining instead of from indulging.

Today I wasn't so hungry as yesterday. I wonder what causes the hunger? I didn't do anything different yesterday from what I did today or the day before yesterday. Maybe it's just a kind of withdrawal.  We'll see what happens one day at a time.

Attention to Detail

I had a good day yesterday--didn't encounter too many obstacles. I kept busy, maybe that's why.

I do find myself feeling burdened by the need to weigh and measure everything and spend so much time preparing food. I start to tell myself it's a big pain. And that's when I start to slack off on doing it.

I also want to slack off on recording, and sometimes I just forget. But it really does help. The constant attention to detail helps and is worth it. But it can be tiring sometimes.

Today I'm at work and feeling the usual hunger between meals. I try to stretch the time, though, so I can eat less or less often. So far, so good.

Windfall Treats: Wolves in Sheep's Clothing

Well, I'm happy to report I managed to get through one whole day (yesterday) without eating food I shouldn't. And the reason I was able to do so was that I avoided five occasions where I could have eaten but did not.

The first was at breakfast time when my husband suggested I have leftover ham with my egg. First, I imagined how good that ham would taste with the egg I was eating. Then, I tried to figure out how I could eat the ham without going off my eating plan. I didn't want to start right out blowing it, after all. After seeing that it was only 9 AM and that if I were to eat the ham it would have to come out of my lunch time protein allotment, and that in three hours I was going to be hungry again and would probably not be satisfied with a smaller amount of food, I decided I couldn't afford to indulge. So I just had my single egg with toast and juice and enjoyed it.

The second was a true windfall. While at the library I saw that cake was being offered to celebrate a library achievement (there are many for our wonderful library). It was ordinary looking cake, but I was kind of hungry having just walked about a mile to get to the library. I was sorely tempted. But then I remembered that I was not going to eat cake or other sweets that day, and said "No, thank you" to the young woman who was offering it.

I had brought an apple with me to eat if I got hungry on my walk, so after leaving the library I ate my apple and was satisfied with it until I got home.

The third was a typical dilemma for me--being hungry in the middle of the afternoon. Once I got home from the library it was 3 PM, still too early for dinner, so I had to eat something to tide me over until dinner. Having no bread or meat allotment, I chose to have celery with leftover milk from breakfast (in tea).  That worked for a while, but then dinner wasn't until 5 PM, so in another hour I had to have something else. I decided I should have the rest of my milk in some raspberries with a teaspoon of sugar (and added sweetener).  That kept me from being hungry until dinner. But I really wanted something more substantial. I get panicky when I'm hungry, but in truth I will be hungry every two hours no matter what I eat so eating just enough is preferable to eating something highly caloric.

The fourth eating occasion occurred when I was cooking dinner--choosing something that works with my diet is difficult if I'm hungry when I'm preparing it. I managed to make something tasty that was within the bounds of my plan, but I had to really concentrate on doing that and taking the extra time to weigh and measure everything to avoid "eyeballing" quantities that turn out to be too much, too late to do anything about it. When I'm in a hurry on the weekdays, it will be more of a challenge, I think.

The fifth occasion was when I prepared my nighttime snack. I had yogurt and pineapple, but when it came time to add granola, I wanted to add more than one tablespoon but did not. It turned out that one was plenty and I felt virtuous and also satisfied.

So, it looks like each day is fraught with peril.  Just getting through the day, I feel like Frogger trying to get home having to avoid obstacles like speeding cars or alligators. (For those of you too young to remember, Frogger was an early video game.)


Frogs trying to get home, some (red) not making it

The rewards are great if I can successfully navigate the treacherous passage to eating control.  But since the ultimate payoff is way down the road, I'm going to start rewarding myself for each of the perils I avoid each day.  Yesterday I earned 5 credits.  That's enough for an hour of mystery reading! We'll see what today brings.

Until then . . .

Back to the Future

I'm getting worried about my weight gain because I'm running out of clothes that fit me. But buying more clothes in bigger sizes is completely unacceptable because that would be admitting defeat and I'm not going to do that! I've come too far to give up now.

So, what to do? Well, I decided to go back to the beginning of this blog and read all the brilliant things I said nearly three years ago when I started down this path.  Perhaps my own words will inspire me.

So, I'm heading back to 2011, starting with the February 6th post, "Payoffs and Consequences," which deals with Chapter 1 of Shirley Simon's book, Learn to Be Thin. One of the ideas I discuss in this post is that compulsive eating has a payoff and that it's the payoff that I am going for when I overeat. One could say that the payoff is the taste, the zing to the brain that triggers endorphins or something like that. But it's more complicated than that, I think. Yes, there is the physical payoff that results from giving your brain what you have trained it to want. But there are other payoffs as well.

One that works for me is pleasing someone I care about. All of the people who know I love chocolate and sweets and care about me want to please me by giving me sweets. And then I want to please them by accepting their gifts. To refuse to eat something that someone has lovingly prepared for you is equivalent to rejection. It's quite a dilemma, of course, because it's my own fault for making them think they will please me best by offering me sweets. Those cheap little gifts have enormous power to produce good feelings.

But once I have the sweets I have a hard time not eating them. That's the other part of the dilemma. Now my compulsion is triggered by the sight of the sweets. Having accepted the gift, I've satisfied the terms of the social contract. I don't really have to eat the sweets now. But I eat them anyway, but not because I want to please the giver. Oh, no. Despite my using that as an excuse, the real reason I eat the sweets is that I feel compelled to do so.

Witness my thin co-worker who sometimes receives gifts of sweets from people in our office. She graciously accepts the cookie or candy or banana bread or whatever. Then she lets it sit on her desk for the rest of the day, or she offers it on her counter for others to take, or she makes it disappear some other way. But the point is she doesn't eat it. Does the giver see her not eating it and feel bad? Maybe. And maybe she feels bad that she can't eat the cookie. But does her co-worker's disappointment cause her to eat what people give her when she doesn't want to? Nope.

She is missing the second part of the payoff--satisfying the craving. She doesn't struggle with the compulsion to eat what windfall sweets come her way because she doesn't get a thrill from eating. People who have eating addictions are different from people who don't--pure and simple.

So, how to make use of this knowledge? Remember that a donated cookie is like a time-bomb for you. The person giving it to you doesn't know that, or maybe he/she knows it but thinks you're okay with it. So your choices are to let the person know it's a problem for you, or get rid of it as soon as possible. Oh, that's the hard part, isn't it?  Maybe you don't want it publically known that you have a problem with sweets. People will think you weird or maybe uptight, anti-pleasure or something. Or, maybe you're afraid they'll do what you ask and stop giving you sweets. And then if they see you eating sweets later, they'll think you are snubbing them. Or they might be tempted to scold you or tease you for eating something you shouldn't.

So many fears associated with one innocent-seeming act! What's the solution? Probably best to tell them--I can't eat that--I'm trying to quit--Looks lovely, but I'm not eating sweets right now.  It's hard, though, because that means you have to admit to the weakness, the addiction. Either way it's a bummer.

There's no payoff in this situation, unfortunately, since you don't get to eat the treat, so you have to build in your own payoff. Reward yourself for having dodged the bullet successfully.  That you didn't eat the treat you don't (really) want to eat should be rewarded, maybe with some non-food treat for yourself. I'll have to come up with some for myself. Maybe I can start out with a chit for each eating trap that was avoided, collect them and reward myself when they accumulate to a certain number.  I'll have to work on that. To do that, I've created a list on this blog: Non-Food Rewards. I'll be adding to it as time goes on, but for now there's only one item on it.

Meanwhile, I'm going to do the things the eating plan recommends--measuring, recording, eating slowly, paying attention to enjoying the experience.