Back to the Future

I'm getting worried about my weight gain because I'm running out of clothes that fit me. But buying more clothes in bigger sizes is completely unacceptable because that would be admitting defeat and I'm not going to do that! I've come too far to give up now.

So, what to do? Well, I decided to go back to the beginning of this blog and read all the brilliant things I said nearly three years ago when I started down this path.  Perhaps my own words will inspire me.

So, I'm heading back to 2011, starting with the February 6th post, "Payoffs and Consequences," which deals with Chapter 1 of Shirley Simon's book, Learn to Be Thin. One of the ideas I discuss in this post is that compulsive eating has a payoff and that it's the payoff that I am going for when I overeat. One could say that the payoff is the taste, the zing to the brain that triggers endorphins or something like that. But it's more complicated than that, I think. Yes, there is the physical payoff that results from giving your brain what you have trained it to want. But there are other payoffs as well.

One that works for me is pleasing someone I care about. All of the people who know I love chocolate and sweets and care about me want to please me by giving me sweets. And then I want to please them by accepting their gifts. To refuse to eat something that someone has lovingly prepared for you is equivalent to rejection. It's quite a dilemma, of course, because it's my own fault for making them think they will please me best by offering me sweets. Those cheap little gifts have enormous power to produce good feelings.

But once I have the sweets I have a hard time not eating them. That's the other part of the dilemma. Now my compulsion is triggered by the sight of the sweets. Having accepted the gift, I've satisfied the terms of the social contract. I don't really have to eat the sweets now. But I eat them anyway, but not because I want to please the giver. Oh, no. Despite my using that as an excuse, the real reason I eat the sweets is that I feel compelled to do so.

Witness my thin co-worker who sometimes receives gifts of sweets from people in our office. She graciously accepts the cookie or candy or banana bread or whatever. Then she lets it sit on her desk for the rest of the day, or she offers it on her counter for others to take, or she makes it disappear some other way. But the point is she doesn't eat it. Does the giver see her not eating it and feel bad? Maybe. And maybe she feels bad that she can't eat the cookie. But does her co-worker's disappointment cause her to eat what people give her when she doesn't want to? Nope.

She is missing the second part of the payoff--satisfying the craving. She doesn't struggle with the compulsion to eat what windfall sweets come her way because she doesn't get a thrill from eating. People who have eating addictions are different from people who don't--pure and simple.

So, how to make use of this knowledge? Remember that a donated cookie is like a time-bomb for you. The person giving it to you doesn't know that, or maybe he/she knows it but thinks you're okay with it. So your choices are to let the person know it's a problem for you, or get rid of it as soon as possible. Oh, that's the hard part, isn't it?  Maybe you don't want it publically known that you have a problem with sweets. People will think you weird or maybe uptight, anti-pleasure or something. Or, maybe you're afraid they'll do what you ask and stop giving you sweets. And then if they see you eating sweets later, they'll think you are snubbing them. Or they might be tempted to scold you or tease you for eating something you shouldn't.

So many fears associated with one innocent-seeming act! What's the solution? Probably best to tell them--I can't eat that--I'm trying to quit--Looks lovely, but I'm not eating sweets right now.  It's hard, though, because that means you have to admit to the weakness, the addiction. Either way it's a bummer.

There's no payoff in this situation, unfortunately, since you don't get to eat the treat, so you have to build in your own payoff. Reward yourself for having dodged the bullet successfully.  That you didn't eat the treat you don't (really) want to eat should be rewarded, maybe with some non-food treat for yourself. I'll have to come up with some for myself. Maybe I can start out with a chit for each eating trap that was avoided, collect them and reward myself when they accumulate to a certain number.  I'll have to work on that. To do that, I've created a list on this blog: Non-Food Rewards. I'll be adding to it as time goes on, but for now there's only one item on it.

Meanwhile, I'm going to do the things the eating plan recommends--measuring, recording, eating slowly, paying attention to enjoying the experience.